As a kid, I knew something was off… but according to my family, it was just me being "dramatic."

I didn’t just feel something was off … I knew it. Not in a vague, cartoon-suspicion way—but in a “this ain’t adding up” kind of way.

The math wasn’t mathing.

I couldn’t name it back then, but I could definitely see the cracks in the foundation.

And I kept thinking:

"Why is nobody fixing this?"

Am I the Only One Seeing This?!

What messed me up wasn’t the dysfunction of my family in and of itself.
It was the fact that nobody else seemed to notice.
Like, hello?! Am I the only one seeing this emotional house fire blazing?

Little me thought,
“If I can sense this weirdness, surely these grown folks can too… right?” Wrong.

Survival Trance: The Family’s Favorite Coping Mechanism

I didn’t know it then, but my family wasn’t ignoring the truth.

They were in a full-blown survival trance.

That special state where:

• Silence is safer than honesty

• Denial is dressed up as tradition

• And emotional needs get buried under “be grateful you got a roof over your head”

Because when survival is the priority?
Emotional safety is a luxury.

S/N: Follow us on Instagram to get more of our May 2025 The Problem Isn’t You — It’s the Pattern campaign.

Adjust, Don't Challenge

In a survival-mode family, I wasn't suppose to challenge what’s broken—
I was told to adjust to it.

I was expected to:

• Laugh through pain

• Perform through pressure

• And master the art of needing nothing… while carrying everything

@dockedsh1ps on Tiktok Docked Ships

I Thought Truth Would Save Us

For years, I thought if someone—anyone—just named the truth out loud,
we could all link arms and start the healing journey.

I really believed that truth was the cure.
That being heard would finally bring peace.

Turns out?
Truth is messy.
Truth is disruptive.
Truth don’t always come with a welcome mat.

The Cost of Clarity

See, families built on silence, control, and curated stories don’t like disruption.
Truth? That’s a wrecking ball.
Once it shows up, it refuses to sit quietly in the corner.

And when the whole system depends on nobody rocking the boat—
the one who tells the truth becomes the one who “caused the storm.”

So yeah, the truth can heal.
But first, it shakes.
And baby, it will shake everything.

It Was Never You

I used to think I was the problem.
The sensitive one.
The overthinker.
The one always “bringing stuff up.”

Now I know:
I wasn’t the problem—I just wasn't asleep to the pattern.

🖤 Sis, It’s Your Turn Now.

You’ve held it down long enough.
You’ve carried what wasn’t yours.
You’ve translated silence and ignored your own needs.

But now?
It’s your time to start the unlearning process.

To choose rest without guilt.
To speak the truth without shrinking.
To build a life that doesn’t require you to self-sacrifice for everyone else’s comfort.

✨ You’re not just unlearning to participate in the pattern—you’re reclaiming yourself.

#TheProblemIsThePattern

Sharell D. Cannady, CEO of Docked Ships

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At Dock Ships, we see "a future where African American women achieve social health & enjoy maximum wellness." 

Calling all high-achieving, overfunctioning Black women! We're offering a FREE webinar pulling back the curtain on those so-called “functional” family dynamics—that taught us to overdo, overgive, and ignore our own needs just to keep the peace.