I am a staunch advocate for Black love. But I'll be honest with you — many of those years were STRUGGLE LOVE.

I Was Never Taught How to Partner With a Man

Actually, saying I was "never taught" is generous. The truth is, I saw all kinds of craziness.

• I saw countless men on bad behavior.
• I saw my mother in one bad relationship after another.
• I saw people who were married but didn't look like they were actually together.
• I saw my aunt stay married for years, basically living with a roommate.
• I saw people who loved each other deeply but fought bitterly over money and in-laws.
• I saw my childhood best friend's parents joined at the hip, clearly in love, who still argued every single day over each other's decisions.

Basically, I never once saw a marriage I fully admired. I saw pieces. I saw parts. A little of this, a little of that. But never the whole picture.

So when it was my turn, I was working with fragments — trying to build a whole marriage out of scraps I'd collected from other people's dysfunction. 

 The Real Problem Isn't What We Think It Is

It wasn't until I started working with so many Black women — from dating all the way through divorce — and sitting through years of my own personal therapy, couples therapy, and family therapy, that I finally saw the actual problem.

It's not communication.

It's not understanding.

It's not even love, admiration, or trust.

The answer is stability.

And as Black women, we don't truly know how to recognize the red flags of instability in others EARLY (prior to any deep investment) — and then move accordingly.

Here's the wild part: I found that truly understanding the science of human development puts ALL the red flags we've been taught to SHAME. Yup... so much of what we learned from friends and family and Black culture in general... just throw it in the trash. 

 No wonder it took me years to get it right.

We really out here trying to determine a man's whole character based on how he treats his mama. Girl, please. That's actually a very very tricky data point — that ain't always true.

There is SO. MUCH. MORE.

I learned that the hard way — and then I had to unlearn stuff, more deeply, when I became a therapist. My husband is learning it right now on his own journey to becoming a therapist too.

And relationships are exactly what I want to begin to unpack for Black women in some upcoming webinars and workshops.

And I am calling in the help of all my therapist friends to bring expert information. 

Are yall' gon' be ready? Cause I do not want anybody to say that they missed it. And they didn't know I was doing it. 

S/N: Keno Cannady will be opening up his calendar for appointments in mid-August. he will be providing therapy services in the state of North Carolina for: 

• Black men
• Black men with ADHD
• Black women
• Black women with ADHD
• Black women is relationship with Black men with ADHD
• Black teen males

GROWING ≄GRINDING

Sharell D. Cannady, CEO of Docked Ships